Your Story…

So if you follow my blog you may have noticed that I fell off the natural hair blogging. I found it so boring to write about honestly. I also felt like as women we are really hard to satisfy sometimes. We seem to seek outside of ourselves for validation that we are beautiful and we often fall prey to what other people tell us is beautiful. I don’t believe that we need to buy all these certain products and gadgets just so we can look like an instagram model that looks hella crazy in real life.

Natural hair is a personal thing. It’s impossible for people to suggest a product or regimen to another person and know for sure that it will work for them. We also all have different goals. For example, I’m not ashamed of my shrinkage, I don’t really care if my edges are laid, and I make my own products. I understand that for other women making their own products just isn’t something they can fit into their schedule or something they  just don’t have a desire to do! (If you like handmade products, check out my etsy store here!) I know that the way I wear my hair may not be the same for other girls, but something that applies to all of us is self love.

When we go natural, it is important to block out all the social media noise and really focus on you. Look yourself in the mirror and say “okay, I’m going to figure out what works for me!” It’s good to educate yourself on the ingredients that are in products and how they affect your health. But you make the decision for your hair based off what look you are trying to achieve. It’s all about you!

There are no short cuts when it comes to embarking on a journey. This can apply to any journey you take in life. You go through ups and downs, you will fail and you will succeed, you will always learn and others will enrich your life by sharing their journey’s as well. I hope to share my journey with you, and not make you feel inadequate. Your natural hair journey is about you and your personal growth. Growing to love and appreciate yourself will change your life completely.

So I wanted to talk about issues that we all deal with instead of natural hair. I mean what good is a popping fro if we are miserable in inside. I love a good fro day, but my happiness and mental health is more important.

 

You are Shakespeare

William Shakespeare said, “ALL THE WORLDS A STAGE, AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS.” or something like that! I’m not into Shakespeare but he was a famous play writer, and we all know his stuff. So, I wanted to talk about scripting in this blog. Scripting is like journaling but instead you are building your life however you want it to look.

What I am starting to realize about this life journey is that you spend a lot of time in the learning and planning zone.  Your learning zone, is reading (especially blogs like this one), listening to pod casts, just really enriching your life with what you wanna be more of. Then it’s into the planning zone as you learn new things, you can start to really build your life.

When you script you are writing out your life plan in future tense. A good way to start is by asking yourself what do I want my life to look like. It may not be clear now, but you have a pretty good idea of what you don’t want so starting there is cool. Some examples might be:

In three years I:

1. lost 15 pounds
2. dumped my nagging partner
3. became a supervisor at my job
4. own my first home

When you begin to write out your dreams and goals, something magical happens. I mean, they don’t call it “spelling” for nothing. Yes 12 years of English was basically spells and curses 101. Public school is Hogwarts y’all. #mindblown Back on subject, when you write out your life it is going to happen one way or another. When you write out what you want, you also imprint those things in your mind so naturally you will start working towards the things you want.

I am on my 3rd scripting journal and most of the things that I wrote about have happened, and if they haven’t happened that just means it needs more time to manifest. The key is to also look over your script everyday. As you learn and grow you will begin to change your script and perfect how you want your life to look. You will go through difficult time in your life, but that is okay because all the things that you don’t want will help you write a better script.

Scripting to me is like taking back control of your life. We have all been given a script whether you agreed to it or not. This script was written by our parents, our peers, school, society. Most of us follow the script given to us by our parents and peers. We either do what our parents did or we do what they think we should do. Go to college, pick a career, get married etc. When you follow the script of others you aren’t living your own life. That’s a scary thought.

How often do your journal? Has it made an impact on your life? I would love to read your stories in the comments below! Thanks for reading!

 

 

Don’t Nobody Wanna Hear That!

There’s a loooong list of words that trigger us! Last week I learned that the word RELAX triggers people immediately! Even if you say relax with kindness people will interpret that as an attack on their character, even if they do need to chill out!

On this blog I wanted to talk about a perspective on life that’s not very popular. This concept is a HARD pill for people to swallow and I swear I was TRIGGERED when I learned about this concept. I mean I was internally pissed for weeks!

Are you ready for this grand epiphany in life!? The concept is….”YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!” Whhhhhaaaat!!!!??? I know, I know “Chenea, you need to relax!” (Haha!) I know it’s a hard thing that no one wants to hear but it is the most honest thing that anyone could tell you.

There was this point in my life where I was blaming everyone and everything outside of myself for my depression and why I wasn’t were I wanted to be in my life. It was my parents fault that I was unhappy, it was societies fault that I couldn’t do the things that I wanted to doin my life, the economy sucks so there’s no opportunities for me, people suck that’s why I’m lonely, the list goes on and on! It was so bad that I kept myself up at night thinking about all the ways life sucked and my relationships sucked.

The first self help book I ever picked up was The Power of Now by Eckart Toll. If you want to know more check out my book review blog here. That book really shifted my perspective on life. I had to understand that I was in the this dark place because of how I was choosing to look at my situation. I had to realize that I was in this dark place because of me and if I wanted to pull myself out of this hopelessness I was the one that needed to make some changes.

So here is the call to action….the really hard part. Can you look at a situation in your life that you are unhappy with whether it is love, your career, or money etc. Really look at it and think about what you can do to fix it. Don’t be afraid to ask people that are close to you what is wrong with you. Odds are if they love you, they are going to give it to you straight. It’s okay to be mad that’s natural, but you shouldn’t completely dismiss what they are saying, really listen and think about what they are saying. Odds are it’s something you knew you needed to change a long time ago, you just thought no one saw your mess!

It’s so easy to blame other people for your downfalls. It’s harder to look at yourself as the cause for all your life drama. It is all more rewarding! When I started taking accountability for myself I started to feel better, my confidence grew, and I began to take steps towards making changes in my life!

What are some of the big changes that you made in your life? I would love you read your stories in the comments below! Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram @afrosandcondos! I’m always working!!

Not Today SATAN!

Instant gratification is a MUTHA ****! I believe it is the reason why most of us fail at starting that business, dieting, and even mess up really good romantic relationships.

Instant gratification is when you do something because you want to feel that good feeling right now and you end up feeling like crap after you made that decision or did that action. An example that I can really relate to is shopping! I loooove me some retail therapy! I go into the store and I buy stuff for the kids, or stuff for the house, or maybe a couple outfits for myself. Then I get home and I look at my bank account and those feelings of buyers remorse start settling in and that high that I had while I was in the store making the purchase is completely gone!

We are trained since we were kids to satisfy ourselves instantly. We wonder why we don’t feel complete after we buy those shoes, or feel like crap when we quit another diet. We all tend to search for a quick and easy solution to make ourselves feel good but when we give into instant gratification, we only end up with nothing in the end.

What struck my interest in instant gratification was a trip down that YouTube self help rabbit hole. Mario and I came across all these youtubers talking about the “No FAP Challenge.” If you don’t know what it is, look it up (I try to keep it pg-13 on this blog family). Basically these people had been denying themselves this certain “pleasure” and it actually ended up changing their lives in many areas.

When we deny ourselves instant gratification we begin to practice self discipline (something I am constantly working on). Self discipline is key when trying to see anything through. We often loose sight of our goals because we want something that could make us feel good right now. So denying ourselves the pleasure of right now can have tremendous rewards in the future. Yes that chocolate lava cake looks sooo tempting but if I want to fit in that dress by a certain time I probably shouldn’t indulge right now!

My personal struggle with instant gratification was with food. Wanting to eat all that delicious greasy food right now and not waiting for Saturday when I told myself that was cheat day! For the past few months I have been practicing intermittent fasting. Not eating during certain times and sticking to the promise that I made to myself. In just three months of not letting instant gratification win, I not only lost weight but I have been more disciplined in my entrepreneurial pursuits, and I have been more efficient in running our household. I have started to become addicted to the results that fasting was giving me, I decided to apply that discipline to other areas of my life as well.

What are some of your guilty pleasures? Do you believe denying yourself simple pleasures right now could benefit you more in the future? I would love to read your replies in the comments section!

5 Things 25 Has Taught Me

I cut my fro every year around my birthday. I just don’t want to move into a new period of my life with access stuff that doesn’t serve me. Dead weight and dead hair gots to go! 26 is a new chapter, and what’s awesome about birthdays is that it’s another chance to rewrite your story.

25 has been a crazy year. I honestly started my 25th birthday off last year with a nervous breakdown. I did absolutely nothing for my birthday that day. I was flat broke for 3 days! As I was having a bit of a narcissistic moment because it was MY birthday and I felt like I deserved a freaking parade for all the hell I had been through, my husband kindly reminded me that just because it was my birthday doesn’t mean the world stops or the work stops. He was right. And the hiccup that happened with our check was supposed to happen because I needed to put things into perspective:

The Perspective List:

I learned that people are going to look out for themselves first. Especially in business. No one is going to hold your hand or put your interest first. Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you.

Most people won’t do what they say they are going to do. But there are a number of factors as to why they don’t come through. Sometimes emergencies happen, sometimes people just lie. What ever the reason it’s okay, and you cannot take them personally.

Momentum is so important, don’t let up off the gass just because things seem to be going well. ANYTHING can happen, clients flake out on you, you gain the weight back, rent goes up, cars break down etc. Life happens, so always have that fact in the back of your mind and always be working!

The people in your life are so important. I have a few people in my life that I know are good people. My number one is my husband of course. 25 was the year that I let go of some hard deep rooted relationships but it was necessary in order for me to reach my goals and to become the Chenea I so badly want to be. Don’t be afraid to let go of toxic people even if they are a parent. Your mental health is important. You only get to live YOUR life experience once. Don’t let anyone take away from that.

Stepping into year 26 is exciting. I made a vow to myself recently that I was just going to allow myself to be free. That’s why I changed up my blog content. I love natural hair, but if I’m going to use this platform, I want to share my story and enrich the lives of other people. I know that being real isn’t pretty or popular, but I believe we need more realness in the world. So I’m keeping it real!

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

 

 

Karma is not a B*tch Part 2

If you are just jumping into this series, you may want to read part 1 to get a better overall understanding of what Karma is. This week I wanted to focus on how Karma effects our relationships with other people in our lives.

A lot of the relationships that we find ourselves in are Karmic relationships. These relationships are meant to teach us lessons and we often seem to find ourselves in the same kind of relationships because we don’t make the best decisions in those situations. Remember Karma is what ever you put out coming back to you. So if you find yourself in these same type of relationships over and over then there is some self evaluating that needs to happen.

Now I know what some people are saying “well how can that be, I never asked for this!” No one asks to be in a loveless, abusive or just plain complicated relationship. But often times the way we treat ourselves on the inside reflects in our day to day lives. If we are always putting ourselves down, thinking negative thoughts and feeling hopeless, how can we expect to find those things in our relationships with other people? When we treat ourselves bad, and put ourselves last, the universe will bring those types of people in our lives that treat us the same way because that is what we are putting out. So as Karma would have it, if we plant seeds of love and happiness within ourselves first, then loving people will begin to come into our lives.

It’s hard but it all starts with making a decision right where you stand. Choosing yourself and choosing to love yourself and put yourself first will set forth a series of events that align you with that love and happiness that you want to receive in your life. Once we begin to love ourselves and we begin to really feel that good feeling, we will begin to recognize those relationship patterns that we don’t want, and we’ll have the strength to dead those relationships ASAP! Don’t let anyone fool you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself first!

Self love takes practice. I often find myself putting self care on the back burner or being overly critical of myself when I do or don’t do something. But I forgive myself and I move forward.

What kind of things do you do to care for yourself? At what point did you begin to fall in love with the person you are!? I love hearing your personal stories so share them in the comments below!

6 things I will teach my girls…

Jordan Paterson said in one of his lectures that there are more differences within a cultural group than there are outside of a cultural group. I think that this statement is really true. Slavery, reconstruction, civil rights movement, black people have been fighting to be equal and understood for a very long time. In my 25 years of being a black female, I have come to the conclusion that as black people we have a lot of emotional pain that has been passed down to us, from slavery to the social media age. I work everyday to rid myself of this inherited baggage, but there are things that I want my daunters to know and understand about being a black woman:

1. You are not better because you are of the lighter variety of black. I can’t tell you how many times that I was told that I had an advantage because I had lighter skin. I actually thought it was true until I experience my first spout of racism just like any other black person.
2. All hair is good hair. I get sick of hearing women say things like “my baby gone have that good hair” or “I hope my baby don’t get that nappy hair from his daddy”. Little girls and boys grow up so self conscious about something that is so natural, like breathing, our hair just grows like that. My husband tells me stories of how he was picked on as a kid because he had tight corse curly hair. People would say things about his shrinkage that use to upset him. I’m glad he stuck with his loc’s though, they are so beautiful and healthy! Black hair is so versatile and amazing, I will always teach my girls to love their hair no matter what!
3. Not every black woman is out to get you. The state of women, especially black women is pretty bad. The constant competition, shade throwing, and gossiping is at an all time high. Reality T.V shows don’t help the cause either. I loved Gabrielle Unions speech she gave at the 2013 Essence festival. The honest truth about black women is that we need each other now more than ever. I will teach my girls to that just because another women is shining, that does not mean that your light is dim. Always support and be confident!
4. What is for you is for you! No one can take what is meant to be yours. There may be times when there are adversities. But trials come to make you stronger and to help you become the person that is ready to receive all the things that you have asked for.
5. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL! Gratitude has made a major difference in my life. I will teach my girls to always be grateful! (see my blog on gratitude!)
6. Take time for yourself! As women we are natural nurturers, and sometimes we put others before ourselves. I will teach my girls to always put themselves first and to take time to do nice things for themselves.

What are somethings that you would want future generations to know? I would love to read your comments down below!

 

I am Selfish.

Two years ago I realized that I was depressed. I had been depressed for 4 years! In those four years I managed to gain a lot of weight, isolate people, and basically be a miserable person to be around. I don’t even know how my husband put up with me honestly. I was so negative and cynical about everything, and I complained all the time. All I wanted to do was eat greasy food, drink a lot of wine and beer on the weekend, and sleep. I loved my family and I seemed to be satisfied in that area of my life, but there was other aspects of my life that I was not content with.

I know that a lot of people deal with depression and anxiety, so I want to share how I am combating those dark feelings that can take over my life sometimes. The first thing that I changed was lying to myself. I had to be honest, about the fact that I fell out of love with myself, I had a drinking problem, and that I was unhappy. That truth sent me on a journey toward self discovery. I was studying buddhism for bit, then I came across the conscious black community, then I came across metaphysics, theology, astrology, and spirituality.  NOTE: I love seeing people on their spiritual journey, and I feel like when a lot of black people take the trip, they stop at the conscious community part. I want to say that there is more out there, just keep seeking because you will learn that there is more to it than “popping melanin”.

Spirituality taught me that I have way more control over this life thing than I thought, and it’s all about what I chose to focus on. If I kept telling the story of the broken family I came from, or the abuse that I faced, then I would stay in a place where I didn’t want to be. I decided to change my focus and the things I put into my mind and body. My usual media diet was full of love and hip hop, news and politics, celebrity gossip etc. I cut all that out and replaced it with reading, journaling, blogging, lectures, and interviews. I started to eat more fruits veggies, and less fried fatty foods. I even took up hiking and being out in nature. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I ended all relationships that were full of gossiping, negativity, and lack. I decided that if I had been programing myself with garbage this whole time, I can do the same but with things of substance, positivity, and happiness.

A lot of people put me down for this, saying things like “how can you ignore all the things wrong in the world” or “you are selfish.” It isn’t that I choose to ignore the wrongs, I just don’t focus on those things. Yes I am selfish, I choose me, I choose life, I choose abundance, I choose health and I choose love. Anyone that cannot respect that in my life, does not deserve my time or a relationship.

Again, this is my story, and what I did to lift myself up. I am not saying that it will be the same for everyone, but I do believe that when you are feeling down about life, a major life change could really help! What are somethings that you do to pull yourself out of a funk? Have you started your spiritual journey? I would love you hear your stories, so comment them down below!

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Protective Styles!

Doing Mackenzie’s hair is always a challenge. She complains and procrastinates every time it’s her wash day! It’s funny because every time I finish doing her hair for the week she is alway excited about her new do!

Last week I decided to step it up a bit and try to challenge myself to do more interesting styles. Mack and I looked on instagram for inspiration and we came up with a pretty cool style:

Mack said this is her favorite hair style that we have collaborated on so far! I would have to agree! Mommy did that!!! haha!

Mack’s style also inspired me to try something different with my hair as well. I kept it simply with two flat twist in the front and two afro puffs in the back. The two hair charms in the front are a few pieces of loc jewelry that I made.

I am usually a one style kind of girl, I don’t like to think about my hair too much I just enjoy taking care of it! I may challenge myself to try a new protective style everyday for 21 days just to see what I can come up with! What are some of your favorite protective styles? I would love to try some of them out!