Chapter 4: Devil Worship

I’ve always been into really weird stuff. Like for me, the weirder the better. In fact it’s in my natal chart (astrology) that I would have a fascination with the occult but it’s not good for me to go too deep into it or I’ll become obsessive (and I got a little obsessed in college smh). I think that I’ve always been into stuff like the occult and secret societies because that was a part of me trying to understand that there is so much about life, that I don’t know. So many things that were hidden from me because it was dubbed “DEVIL WORSHIP” by christians.

Now, it’s kinda weird, I wouldn’t say that I sought out metaphysics, astrology and self help, it kind of just found me honestly. I was on youtube one day watching this series called spirit science. It was strange because the videos were resonating with me, like I felt it in my gut. I started learning about how everything was connected on this earth. I learned that we are not these bodies but we are the spirit that lives within, and we are just here to have a human experience, no matter what that is. It all clicked, like it was something I knew but I completely forgot.

Now I know what you are probably saying, “Chenea you sound like a hippie.” You are right! It’s weird because I can relate to hippies now on a soul level. Like I completely get their lifestyle, and it’s something that just calls you really. Taking a spiritual journey like this is bound to turn you into SOME variation of hippie!

Again, I never had a transcendent experience or caught the holy ghost, but practicing mindfulness and taking things slowly and being in the present, I can really feel God’s presence and I can really connect with my inner self. It feels really, really good. Like if you’ve ever been high, that’s how I feel most of the time. I said “most of the time” because I am human and I slip into dark places sometimes, but what my spiritual journey has taught me is that I don’t have to remain there, I can alway pull myself out by practicing gratitude.

One thing that this part of my journey has taught me is to not let anyone else’s superstitions stop your pursuit of your destiny. People will tell you that something isn’t “acceptable” or start bringing the “devil” up because of their own fears and insecurities. You cannot live in anyone else’s box. Superstitions come from a place of fear and lack, and the world is full of love and abundance…if you choose to see it that way!

Photo by J A N U P R A S A D on Unsplash

 

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Chapter 3: OM SHANTI

Music is a very important part of my life. I love all sorts of music and I love to sing. I feel like every once in a while there’s an artist that really speaks to a generation. For me that artist is Jhené Aiko. Her album “Sold Out” absolutely changed my life. I was digging into her lyrics one day, and I started googling things she was talking about cause for some reason her music really resonated with me.

In fact, in chapter 1 I said I never had a transcendent experience in church, but I did have my first experience with something overwhelming, like pure love, that brought me to tears. And I had that moment during a Jhené Aiko set at a festival. lol There may have been OTHER factors that made me emotional, maybe it was the rain, or the way the sun was setting or her soothing soft voice, I don’t know but that day…I had a supernatural experience!

OKAY so, Buddhism! Buddhism is awesome. That was when I started learning about chakra’s and karma, and their stories of creation and the after life are so amazing. I loved learning about buddhism because it was refreshing. The religion as a whole talks about more than the christianity does too. I feel like buddhism answered a lot more of the questions that I had about life.

Once I discovered Buddhism, I was started to feel a lot better about life. There was still some things that didn’t sit well with me. Like, believe it or not, Buddhism is not kind towards women either. In fact just recently the first female monk was allowed to practice in the monastery with the other male monks. Again I cannot be apart of something that treats women as if they are last and not important or puts limits on what women can do.

Now, around the time I started to come down off my Buddhism trip, I got my real estate license. I realized what kind of line of work it was, so I needed to figure out how to be the type of person that sold real estate, self motivated, confident, etc. This led me into that wonderfully wonderful world of self help!

 

 

Chapter 2: Angry Black Girl Fire

The internet is a very very VERY vast source for information and history. If you dare to dive into all it has to offer, you won’t be sorry haha! Which led me to leaving christianity.

I wasn’t raised to embrace my blackness. I knew absolutely nothing about being black and my father was very prejudiced against black people. I also grew up super privileged. My parents owned two homes during their marriage, both in predominantly white neighborhoods. I didn’t really have black friends because I had so many bad experiences with black kids from preschool on up. They all made fun of me or left me out because I was different and now that I look back on it, I just had a hard time connecting with the other black kids.

My husband, he’s super in touch with his roots. I mean he loves being black he has locs and he embraces his culture. He was the one that put me on to black culture. So as I started to submerge myself in black culture and I started learning about slavery and how christianity was given to our ancestors as a means to control their lives, and how the bible was used to justify slavery, and abuse. I made a decision right then and there that I would NEVER BE A CHRISTIAN.

It’s ironic because as I was going through this conscious black journey, the black lives matter movement was picking up, and there was a black kid being gunned down every week it seemed like. This just made me soooo angry. I was angry every day. I watched all the Hidden Colors documentaries and it just added more fuel to my angry black girl fire. Just to know that black people were responsible for a lot of great things in this world, and we have a very vast history that has been hidden from us, is enough to piss you off! But…I digress.

I started to become angry all the time, and I was listening to all the other conscious people on youtube and they were angry. I was just tired of being angry over things that I honestly could not control. I was tired of feeling, that way because I had a lot to be happy about, and I felt myself becoming unappreciative of what I had. NOT TO MENTION, the conscious community practices polygamy and they believe that it’s okay for man to have more than one women. Complete bullsh*t. I could never judge anyone for what they believe in, but I felt like men in the black conscious community do not respect women, and that was enough for me. Yelling the back woman is God then having 5 women like they are interchangeable is just silly to me. So…thats when I left the black conscious community alone and I opened up to buddhism.

Chapter 1: Breaking Family Karma

DISCLAIMER, if you are very religious don’t read this series. Just don’t.

What I am about to share is just my personal journey. Whether it’s your natural hair journey, starting a business, or finding love, all of our journey’s are different. I wanted to share my spiritual journey because I think that the black community makes it seem taboo to believe in anything other than christianity. So I wanted to share this because it’s OKAY to question things and try something new!

SO! I was raised under the christian religion. I remember when I was in elementary school, my mother told me that we were going to start going to church on the regular. It was new, but everyone I knew went to church so it seemed like a normal thing. My parents dedicated their life to christ and so did I. I got baptized and I sung in the church choir. A few years later my mom became a minister and began preaching. It would be years and years later that I would find out that the entire reason why my parents started going to church, was because they were running from something and they believed if they prayed and preached, it would get better.

When I was 18 I looked at the ruins of my family and how it used to be so “normal” and “happy”. It was then that I realized that church wasn’t the answer. Now, letting go of christianity wasn’t easy AT ALL! My grandmother had just became a preacher and I have 2 uncles that are preachers as well. One has a church. So, you can imagine the sh*t storm that brewed when I started to dabble in other religions (more on that later).

I got married, and I had a daughter. When you start a family, you want what’s best for them so I tried church again. We went to a few but it just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t bare the thought of being this fake christian wholesome family, that underneath it all we were all super miserable. I saw that story too many times in my own life.

I never really understood church even as I grew up in it. I thought it was a bit absurd and I just could never really connect with the christian religion. I’ve never caught the holy ghost, I’ve never had a transcendent experience on Sunday’s. It just wasn’t for me. There are some really good churches that I have visited, and there are some great speakers. I love Joel Olsteen, his positivity is so sincere! But, christianity just wasn’t for me, and I would soon understand why I felt that way as I started on my spiritual journey….

 

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

 

Get Outta Here With That Mess!

There is nothing wrong with black people. We are all the most perfect shade of human on this planet and we don’t deal with mental health or depression because that’s just not a “black thing.” Not to mention we are all covered in the blood of Jesus so, you know, we don’t deal with those kinds of issues. This is basically the narrative that I have heard my entire life from the black community. It has always bothered me because I have dealt with a family member that had mental health issues but no one in my family believed that it was a problem, or that they should try to intervene, even when that person threatened suicide.

No matter what color you are if you live on this earth you have dealt with some form of depression, anxiety, or just plain not feeling your best mentally. You are not alone. I do understand where the notion that black people don’t deal with these kinds of issues come from. We have always had to be strong, especially in the face of adversity. We are a race of people that have always had to fight and put on a smile while society seemed to be going against us. We have always had to try to maintain the appearance of perfection, and mental health, well, “ain’t nobody got time for that.”

Religion is such an important part of the black community (maybe I’ll blog about why I let go of christianity in the future). I mean I have been to the hood and right across the street from the housing projects is a mansion of a church. If you grew up in the typical black house hold, you were always told to take your problems to the lord in prayer. There was never really a safe space where you could open up about what you were facing. Homosexuality, physical, sexual, and mental abuse, or depression are all topics considered taboo in black families. I can’t help but think that it’s only because that would force families to realize that we are not perfect.

So what do we do? If we come from families that don’t allow us to express ourselves how do we deal with the pain and suffering of this human experience? We create our own communities and spaces of openness. It is important that we pick and choose wisely the things that we want to take from our upbringing. We were given this specific group of humans to help better aid us in our life journey. Sometimes they even help us by showing us what NOT to do. If there are certain things from your childhood that you wish you had more of, be the giver of that very thing you believed you were missing. So if we feel that there was a lack of openness and understanding in black homes, we should provide others with that openness and understanding.

This is why I created this blog, because all it takes is for one person to open up about their experiences and others will feel safe to do the same.

Don’t Tell Me What To Do!

I KNOW EVERYTHING! No I don’t, but boy do I wish I did know everything! I am very stubborn and I didn’t like it when people tried to tell me what to do or how to do something. Like it’s so bad that I don’t even use directions when I put something together.

That was until I found real estate. When I got my license I was shook at how many older people there were. I think there was one other girl that was my age. Of course being the jerk that I was, I was like “I can do this myself, my way, people will just come to me and I will sell houses, it’s nothing I don’t need to do this work, it’s for old people,” so on and so forth! I thought I had it under control until I got kicked out my first firm for not being productive. Yuhp, they kicked me out, and I pay for my dues and such out of my own pocket, it cost them nothing to have me there. That’s pretty bad.

I took a break from real estate, and I was really pissed. Like how dare they! Kick me out? What Ever! But I had a moment. I looked at my situation at home, my husband hated his job, we needed a bigger place, we just needed to make some changes. I had the ability to make those changes with real estate. So I made the decision when I went to hunt for another firm that I was going to learn, and do what the winners do. My mentor at the time had great success her first year, and she’s really good! I wanted to have her results, so I took all her mentoring to heart. I completely DEADED my own ego, and surrendered to soaking up all there was to learn about how a successful person sells real estate. It’s the best thing I could have done for myself.

I think that we don’t want to take the advice of others that are successful and we put up this wall like “I don’t need your help” because of fear. Fear of learning something new, fear of being wrong, fear of the possibilities, and fear of change. When you are diving into, starting a business, starting a new hobby, or even a new trade, it is important to seek out the most successful people in your field and emulate their success. At the same time you can put your own flavor on what ever they do, but it’s that simple. Their numbers don’t lie, obviously they are doing something right, and you need to learn what ever they are doing in order to be successful at your thing.

Every since I let down my guards and became coachable, I have been obsessed with learning more and more and more about real estate, blogging, business, finance, etc. Learning makes you very valuable because you have the KNOWLEDGE. Knowledge allows you to be confident, and it makes you kick ass at what you do. Always seek out knowledge, and find yourself a good mentor if possible! There is nothing more freeing than realizing you know nothing at all. ALWAYS BE LEARNING!

Your Story…

So if you follow my blog you may have noticed that I fell off the natural hair blogging. I found it so boring to write about honestly. I also felt like as women we are really hard to satisfy sometimes. We seem to seek outside of ourselves for validation that we are beautiful and we often fall prey to what other people tell us is beautiful. I don’t believe that we need to buy all these certain products and gadgets just so we can look like an instagram model that looks hella crazy in real life.

Natural hair is a personal thing. It’s impossible for people to suggest a product or regimen to another person and know for sure that it will work for them. We also all have different goals. For example, I’m not ashamed of my shrinkage, I don’t really care if my edges are laid, and I make my own products. I understand that for other women making their own products just isn’t something they can fit into their schedule or something they  just don’t have a desire to do! (If you like handmade products, check out my etsy store here!) I know that the way I wear my hair may not be the same for other girls, but something that applies to all of us is self love.

When we go natural, it is important to block out all the social media noise and really focus on you. Look yourself in the mirror and say “okay, I’m going to figure out what works for me!” It’s good to educate yourself on the ingredients that are in products and how they affect your health. But you make the decision for your hair based off what look you are trying to achieve. It’s all about you!

There are no short cuts when it comes to embarking on a journey. This can apply to any journey you take in life. You go through ups and downs, you will fail and you will succeed, you will always learn and others will enrich your life by sharing their journey’s as well. I hope to share my journey with you, and not make you feel inadequate. Your natural hair journey is about you and your personal growth. Growing to love and appreciate yourself will change your life completely.

So I wanted to talk about issues that we all deal with instead of natural hair. I mean what good is a popping fro if we are miserable in inside. I love a good fro day, but my happiness and mental health is more important.