The internet is a very very VERY vast source for information and history. If you dare to dive into all it has to offer, you won’t be sorry haha! Which led me to leaving christianity.
I wasn’t raised to embrace my blackness. I knew absolutely nothing about being black and my father was very prejudiced against black people. I also grew up super privileged. My parents owned two homes during their marriage, both in predominantly white neighborhoods. I didn’t really have black friends because I had so many bad experiences with black kids from preschool on up. They all made fun of me or left me out because I was different and now that I look back on it, I just had a hard time connecting with the other black kids.
My husband, he’s super in touch with his roots. I mean he loves being black he has locs and he embraces his culture. He was the one that put me on to black culture. So as I started to submerge myself in black culture and I started learning about slavery and how christianity was given to our ancestors as a means to control their lives, and how the bible was used to justify slavery, and abuse. I made a decision right then and there that I would NEVER BE A CHRISTIAN.
It’s ironic because as I was going through this conscious black journey, the black lives matter movement was picking up, and there was a black kid being gunned down every week it seemed like. This just made me soooo angry. I was angry every day. I watched all the Hidden Colors documentaries and it just added more fuel to my angry black girl fire. Just to know that black people were responsible for a lot of great things in this world, and we have a very vast history that has been hidden from us, is enough to piss you off! But…I digress.
I started to become angry all the time, and I was listening to all the other conscious people on youtube and they were angry. I was just tired of being angry over things that I honestly could not control. I was tired of feeling, that way because I had a lot to be happy about, and I felt myself becoming unappreciative of what I had. NOT TO MENTION, the conscious community practices polygamy and they believe that it’s okay for man to have more than one women. Complete bullsh*t. I could never judge anyone for what they believe in, but I felt like men in the black conscious community do not respect women, and that was enough for me. Yelling the back woman is God then having 5 women like they are interchangeable is just silly to me. So…thats when I left the black conscious community alone and I opened up to buddhism.